Endurance Riding

I don’t have any photos from this last week as I was alone for each training session, and I believe in 100% focus and connection with the horse when I am training. That is probably the single greatest lesson horses have taught me — being fully present in the moment, something I have often struggled with.

Salute got settled into a boarding facility mid-week last week. He will be there until my second barn is up (about 12 weeks) and I have a place for a stallion here at home. I spent four days in a row with him. I hand walked him all around the grounds of the stables, periodically stopping my feet, teaching him to halt with me. He has done well with backing up on the lead line and learning to stay out of my space. We have worked on ground tying, standing quiet while I groom him, fly spray him, and pick his feet. During our last session, I put a surcingle on him and lunged him on a lunge line at the walk, trot, and canter.

Salute is sweet, eager to please, and joins up quickly with me. He is a sensitive soul and is teaching me more about body awareness. I don’t have to be big with him, just clear. I am learning to bring my energy down and realizing that just because I do doesn’t mean I can’t still be firm in what I am asking.

Zahra, on the other hand, is spicy and opinionated. Some might say she’s a typical redheaded mare! She arrived from Canada with less handling than Salute and I can already tell it is going to take a bit more time with her before I’m on her back. The first time I haltered her, it took me nearly 25 minutes to catch her, but now I can walk right up to her and halter her.

I have been free lunging or hand walking Zahra at least every other day. We have had some moments… there has been some planting of the feet, some bucking, some near crowding, some almost running through my carrot stick, but last night she was more agreeable and stayed with me after the initial join up.

We have been working on ground tying as well, and last night she was perfectly still while I groomed her and picked her feet. We got into a bit of an argument over the wormer, but eventually she decided it must not be that bad and was pleasantly surprised by the apple flavor when she gave in.

Zahra is teaching me to stand my ground. She doesn’t believe me unless I believe in myself. She demands that I prove my worthiness as a leader.

I haven’t started a horse under saddle since before the Camp Fire, and it has been years since I have had young horses of my own in my barn. As a young woman, I struggled with insecurities, low self-esteem, and a lack of self-worth. While I had ridden horses most of my life, it wasn’t until I started training horses that I faced my disbelief in myself head on. I learned I couldn’t pretend with horses. They’d call my bluff every time. And they knew if I wasn’t fully focused. Through my horse training, my confidence began to soar, but before it turned to arrogance, I would be quickly and quietly humbled. Horses are good at that — building your confidence, but also keeping you humble. And if you don’t believe in yourself, they won’t believe in you either.

It has been almost four years since the Camp Fire and a year and a half since I lost my dad. There hasn’t been a roadmap for my grief and often times I have felt completely lost. When I was originally thinking about purchasing two new horses, I questioned if I had the energy to train. I was filled with doubt, and I had a friend who compassionately asked if I was buying these horses because I was trying to run away from my grief rather than face it.

In the end, I purchased the horses and put them on a trailer from Canada to California. Maybe it was too quick of a decision, fueled by the fact that my dad taught me to take risks – and my husband said, “If it scares you, you should do it.” It scared me, so I did it.

Maybe I am in some way trying to run from my grief, but what I do know is this — I have lost myself in the last several years. What defined me – and our family – in the house we purchased in Magalia and turned into a home – was gone in a day. Our place in our community no longer existed. Relationships were lost, simply because we had to scatter without saying goodbye and distance suddenly separated us from friends who had been impactful in our lives.

And then I became a fatherless daughter.

I am not sure how to find myself again, but I do know that when I’ve been lost, horses have helped pave the trail to myself again.

Tags: horse training, horses

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