Endurance Riding

On Friday, after visiting with family in the bay area, I took my 10-year-old son and his horse, Beauty, to the Cache Creek Ridge Ride, near Williams, CA. Asali and I had the pleasure of sponsoring them on the 25 mile ride on Saturday. Here is Jakob’s story of his first ride, copied word for word (although I fixed a few spelling mistakes):

CACHE CREEK RIDGE RIDE!
by Jakob Gregory

I liked the ride because it was beautiful and they organized the ride well. My favorite part of the ride is the meadow with the grassy field where you could run. My least favorite part is the finish because I wanted to keep riding and when Beauty got worked up.

I want to go to the ride next year because of the beauty. Thank you Alyssa and Jennifer, also volunteers. You never waste a moment in the saddle. Beauty and Asali, you worked hard!!!!!!!!!!

I have to agree with Jakob that the Cache Creek Ridge Ride is well managed – that is the main reason why I will probably make this an annual ride for us. It was hot and sunny and not very shady on the trail and we also encountered many steep, difficult climbs, but we had so much fun riding. This was a challenging trail, especially for a junior rider on his first ride. I could not have been more proud of Jakob or his horse, Beauty, who we adopted from a horse rescue almost 2 years ago.

I have two favorite memories from the weekend. The first was on Friday night, when Jakob and I were getting ready for bed. We were both cozy in our sleeping bags in the back of the horse trailer. We left the door to the trailer open so we could see the stars above us. Jakob spent some time reading aloud to me, using his head lamp for light. Jakob was reading from his book, Diary of a Wimpy Kid. I enjoyed hearing his voice and I eventually fell asleep to the silly story.

My second favorite memory occurred on Saturday, when we were towards the end of the competition. We were on a wide dirt trail, side by side. The horses were feeling good and we began trotting, and then cantering. Jakob and I held hands and continued down the trail, side by side. We were all alone, in open country, being carried through the sun on the backs of our horses. I heard Jakob laughing and I remember wanting to freeze that moment in time.

I am going to end this blog post with a quick account of an incident that happened when the ride was all over – after we had presented our horses for P & R (pulse and respirations) and received our completion time. Jakob and I were walking the horses back to our camp when something went awry with the hose on the water truck. Both horses spooked and galloped off. In the process, my arm got tangled up in Beauty’s reins, Asali knocked me over, lunging me forward and to the ground, right in Beauty’s path. I was dragged a couple feet and then trampled by Beauty. I came out of this potentially dangerous accident relatively unharmed. While I have several bumps and bruises, a swollen knee, a mild black eye, and overall soreness, I could have ended up with a massive head injury. I heard Beauty’s hooves hit my helmet several times and I know the only reason I was talking and walking after the incident was because of my helmet – it saved my life! I am sharing this story to stress to my readers how important wearing a helmet is. Accidents happen, even with those horses who rarely spook, who have lots of training, and who are older in age. It does not matter how experienced of a horsewoman or horseman you are, an accident can happen anytime, anywhere and it can happen so fast, you aren’t able to get out of the way or stop yourself from falling off. So – wear your fricken’ helmet!

On that note, I can say I am glad I got “trampled” and “dragged” checked off my list all at once. My chances of those things happening again are pretty slim so I can deem myself “been there, done that.” After the eye injury I suffered following my first 25 and now this accident following Jakob’s first 25, I am really hoping our subsequent rides are uneventful. Otherwise, people are going to start wondering why we continue in this crazy sport they call endurance.

A few of our pre-ride photos from Friday afternoon:

And finally (drum roll please), a short video of our ride on Saturday:

FINALLY! The 2012 ride season has started for us!

On Friday morning, I loaded up Asali and drove to Folsom Lake in Granite Bay for the American River Classic (ARC). I had decided on the ARC for a few reasons – one, it was fairly close to me (less than a 3 hour haul), two, it was a point to point ride (I love not having to repeat trail), three, they offered a Pioneer Division (the challenge sounded right up my alley), and four, it covered part of the Western States Trail, ending at the same finish line as the Tevis Cup (how cool is that?!).

I arrived at the ride alone, which is not unusual for me. I knew most of my endurance friends had attended Yosemite Gold Cup the weekend before, so I was not expecting to see anyone I recognized. However, I was pleasantly surprised to see Roberto and his son, Vasco (I met Roberto at Cache Creek last year and then his son and mine did a fun ride together at Hat Creek Hustle last June). I had the pleasure of camping next to Roberto and Vasco, and then at the pre-ride meeting, I enjoyed Sharma’s company (Sharma is the author of Tevis, From the Back of My Horse; she signed a copy of the book for me and Jakob at the AERC Convention back in March).

On Friday night, as I tried to fall asleep in the back of my horse trailer, I felt this wave of excitement and nervousness. Because it had been 7 months since our last 50 and we failed to make it to the limited distance ride that was to mark the start of our 2012 season, I wondered if we were conditioned well enough for this ride, especially since I had heard the ARC was a technically challenging, tough 50. I also began to go through everything I needed to take with me in the morning, making a mental note not to forget anything. I had entered the Pioneer Division, meaning that I was to be the sole caretaker of my horse for the entire 50 miles. I had no crew, nor did I have a crew bag that would be delivered at the vet checks by ride management. Everything Asali and I needed for the day would be carried either in our saddle bags or around my waist in my new waist pack. I had grain, carrots, electrolytes, 2 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, lots of snacks, 3 water bottles, 2 vitamin waters, extra hoof boots, ibuprofen, sunscreen, sunglasses, chapstick… somehow, I fell asleep during my list, as if I had been counting sheep.

My alarm went off at 4:15 am. I woke up, got dressed (in my funky new purple riding tights), gave Asali a mash, put on her new Renegade hoof boots, got her saddled, took down her electric fence paddock, locked up the truck and trailer, forced down a banana and a breakfast bar, and somehow mounted, all by 5:30 am.

I did not start with the front runners. I hung back and started out at about 5:40. This was part of my new strategy, to keep Asali from bolting at the start. It worked. Although I could feel my own anticipation channeling energy to her, Asali did not take off running. We kept up a good warm-up pace, following the glow sticks in the dark of the early morning.

At mile 2 or 3, we threw both back hoof boots. I dismounted and decided to strap them to my saddle rather than put them back on. The trail had relatively good footing and since we train barefoot, I knew Asali would be fine. We continued on our way, encountering many difficult hills, with boulders we had to pick our way through. There were also narrow passes, with sides so high, I had to be careful not to scrape my legs or catch a stirrup on something. Asali would just bulldozer through each obstacle as if it was nothing, which increased my anxiety. When the trail mellowed out a bit, I breathed a sigh of relief, enjoyed the early morning sun, and made Asali stop while I snapped a few photos of the water.

At some point during the ride, I ran into Peggy, a woman I had ridden the first part of a ride with at Wild West. Although at first we didn’t remember each other’s names, we certainly remembered our short time together on the trail last year, and we were thrilled to reunite. Our horses remembered each other too. Peggy was riding with a friend. Michelle and I had never met, but Michelle knew who I was right away, for she has been following my blog.

For the rest of the ride, Peggy, Michelle, and I played leap frog. I would ride with them for awhile, then I would take off alone with Asali. Then they would pass me during one of a few stretches where I decided to hike or jog next to my horse. At one point, I joined up with an ear, nose, and throat surgeon, a gentleman named Jim. We talked about our careers – his as a doctor, mine as a nurse, before he went on ahead and I decided to hang back with Peggy and Michelle. I was enjoying riding the ride slow. My goal was not just to finish, but to finish with a lot of horse left.

There was something magical about riding this trail too – from Granite Bay to Auburn to Cool, back to Auburn. We traveled on the Pioneer Trail, riding as pioneers, and then we met up with the historic Western States Trail. The American River Classic is the oldest sanctioned 50 mile endurance ride in the world, and I was thrilled to be experiencing its history, and hearing the stories that traveled through the roar of the American River below.

The highlight of the ride, for me, was racing across No Hands Bridge with no hands. I gave Asali permission to chose the pace. I sat on her back, with my arms stretched out in the wind, merely a passenger. We were carried across by the same energy those Tevis Cup riders felt every year as they crossed this same bridge in the dark. And although we were the very last horse and rider team to enter the final vet check, I was cheered on by a young volunteer, a girl in elementary school. Before we left the vet check, she said, “It doesn’t matter if you win or lose. It matters if you finish.” I responded with a thumbs up, an enthusiatic “Amen, sista!” and continued on my way, knowing exactly why I love the sport of endurance.

Peggy, Michelle, and I met with some challenges just 4 miles from the finish, but we, together, worked as a team. We suddenly were not competing against each other, but with each other. We crossed the finish line at 5:06 pm, as the very last riders, all of us logging the same end time, knowing that the victory was shared amongst us. And I, along with Asali, could have kept on going…

I am sitting here in front of my computer crying, and as I am, feeling very foolish for the tears.

Jakob and I loaded up the horses in the trailer this morning. It was pouring down rain, so we had to tarp all our camping gear in the bed of the truck. We headed out towards Reno, on our way to the Nevada Derby. We knew clear skies and sunshine awaited us for Jakob’s first 25 on Sunday.

We made it all the way to the Tahoe National Forest, but when we hit 3,000 feet I saw the rain hitting my windshield turn to slush and then, snow. I told Jakob to cross his fingers and hope that the snow didn’t stick to the ground. But as we continued on, the snow got so heavy I couldn’t see 10 feet in front of me. We weren’t carrying chains, but even if we had been, I would have been afraid to go on while hauling the horses. I made the decision to turn around. As I did, we got temporarily stuck and I jack-knifed the horse trailer (which is what I think may have caused a dent in the front of my trailer).  

We did make it down the mountain soon after, heading towards home. I put the truck in the lowest gear and descended at 20 miles an hour. When we hit Grass Valley, on the way to Marysville, Jake and I parked at a gas station and discussed what to do. He cried a lot, out of complete disappointment. I told him I could call my endurance friend, Linda, who didn’t live far away, to see if we could crash at her place for the night and then try to make it to the ride in the morning (by 8 am for our ride-out time). But, later, Linda talked some sense into me. We both decided it was better for me and Jake to get the horses home safely and de-stress ourselves, as there was no guarantee the weather would improve overnight (I later found out the roads through Tahoe had been closed).

On the 70 outside Marysville, when we weren’t far from home, 4 cars rear-ended each other in front of me. I was able to stop in time, but I had to slam on my breaks, leaving skid marks in the road, and jostling the horses. 

Jakob and I spent 5 hours hauling the horses today, only to end up right back where we started from. When we pulled in the driveway to our home, I breathed a sigh of relief that I had gotten my son and our beloved horses home safely.

We’ve been home a couple hours now and the disappointment has left Jakob. He is playing Wii with his younger brother and looking forward to going to the movies tonight. But for me, the disappointment has just sunk in. I know nice weather is right around the corner and there are a plethora of rides we can do together, starting next month. 

My disappointment comes from the fact that this is the third ride I have tried to take my son to. We had to withdraw from a 25 miler last summer when Beauty had an allergic reaction to a bee sting, leaving her eyelid swollen shut. She also felt “off” when I was riding her the day before the ride, which gave me confirmation to withdraw her (I had already been considering it when she had the allergic reaction the week before).

The second ride we withdrew from was in September. I had signed us up for another 25-miler, not realizing we would be closing escrow on our house the same exact weekend.   

This morning, as I pulled out of our driveway, I smiled, thinking, “third time’s a charm,” but we didn’t make it to this ride either. As soon as we got home today, I looked at my husband and said, “Is this some kind of omen? Is someone trying to tell me something? Is Jakob not supposed to do endurance?” Gary laughed and said, “I think the endurance world is just scared of Jakob. Cause once he actually gets there to the start of a ride, he is going to kick some serious ass.”

Cache Creek Ridge Ride – Here We Come! 

On Thursday, March 8th, I loaded up my family in the car for a weekend away at the Grand Sierra Resort and Casino in Reno, the exact place where the American Endurance Ride Conference was holding their annual convention. We decided to leave one day early, on Jakob’s 10th birthday, so we could spend the day celebrating. We took the 70 East to Reno, traveling on the Feather River Scenic Byway. It was one of the most picturesque drives we had ever encountered. The boys enjoyed driving through tunnels and over bridges, all the while being right next to the beautiful Feather River. We were also adjacent to some old train tracks, imagining what precious cargo those trains must carry.

 We made a couple stops on the way to Reno, including one in Quincy, where we had lunch at a cute little diner. After about 4 hours, we arrived in Reno, checked into our hotel, and then the boys were off playing in the hotel’s large arcade.

 That evening, Gary and I surprised Jakob with a nice birthday dinner at an upscale Italian restaurant located right in the hotel. Dessert was his favorite – carrot cake (with his football nickname, “Dogtown Diesel,” displayed on it)! After dinner, we stopped by the hotel room, where Jakob discovered a few surprise packages – cards, books, birthday money, a new riding helmet, and a new hay bag for his horse, Beauty. Then we were off to the bowling alley, where the four of us competed against each other – Jakob, Declan, and I all lost to Dad.

 On Friday morning, I was up early in order to attend a series of seminars at the AERC Convention. Gary and the boys stayed occupied in the arcade and also went to see a movie (War Horse) at the theatre located in the hotel.

The first seminar I attended was a panel discussion titled “Enduring Wisdom from Enduring Veterans.” It included a question and answer session by John Crandell III (winner of the Old Dominion, the Tevis Cup, and the AERC National Championship all in the same year), Valerie Kanavy (two-time FEI World Champion, two-time AERC National Champion, and FEI Silver Medalist at the 2011 PanAms), Dr. Arthur King (AERC and FEI veterinarian), Kathie Perry (earned 21 Tevis buckles, AERC Hall of Famer, and co-founder of AERC), and Christoph Schork (over 230 endurance wins, including 85 best conditions, winner of the Quilty Gold Cup, and part of the U.S. Team to Worlds). Here is some valuable advice I gathered from the veteran endurance riders:

John: Goals are important. We should all be there to do a little better than we did before. We should challenge ourselves. BUT, don’t get unrealistic about your goal – LISTEN to your horse. Sometimes our horses are telling us something but we’re so focused on our goal, we miss what our horse is telling us.

Christoph (on preparing for a 100-miler): Ride and train with groups. Do a pioneer ride – two or three 50-milers in a row. Check the horse after each day. Three successful rides in a pioneer/multi-day event equates to a better chance of finishing the Tevis Cup.

Valerie: There is no perfect horse, every horse has strengths and weaknesses – take up the strengths and shore up the weaknesses – YOURS too!

Dr. King: PACE yourself. Don’t focus on the rider ahead or behind. Focus on the trail – it’s the trail that will beat you!

Kathie: Train on the horse you are going to compete on. Ride and train your own horse. RIDE YOUR OWN RIDE. You know your own horse, but only if you trained him!

From left to right: John Crandell III, Christoph Schork, Valerie Kanavy, Dr. Arthur King, and Kathie Perry

Following the panel discussion, I attended a seminar by Dr. Susan Garlinghouse titled “Equine Emergencies on the Trail.” Dr. Garlinghouse said there are a few essential items you should always carry with you when riding on the trail: a stethoscope, watch,  thermometer, sponge or scoop, collapsible bucket or other water carrying device for your horse, a leatherman tool with pliers, vetrap, and something you can make a pressure bandage out of (terry cloth hand towel, clean tube socks).  Dr. Garlinghouse discussed many common emergencies, including colic, heat stress, muscle disorders (“tying up”), esophageal obstruction (choke, which is not the same thing as choke in humans; it usually resolves on its own and is not typically a life threatening emergency), eye injuries, and lacerations and bleeding wounds. The take home message: If you think your horse needs a vet, get a vet!

I also had the pleasure of attending a seminar on Endurance Horse Nutrition, presented by Dr. Pagan of Kentucky Equine Research. He described how energy is the nutritional factor most affected by exercise. The digestible energy requirements of performance horses cannot be met by forage alone. I learned that feeding fat to endurance horses is good. The idea is to train the horse to use fat for energy during competition. Fat can be fed by adding canola oil, flax seed oil, or soy oil to the horse’s diet. Feeding beet pulp and bran is also good because it doesn’t produce as high a peak in insulin. Grain is good, but in moderation. Grain intake should be limited to less than 5 pounds a meal. In addition, it was suggested that grain not be fed right before an endurance ride because it can cause glucose to be too high at the start of a ride. Lastly, alfalfa is a good choice of hay to feed during endurance rides (it should be fed sparingly when not competing). Alfalfa has protein (which is typically reserved for foals and broodmares due to its contribution to growth), but good fiber, and high water holding capacity.

After the seminars, I had the pleasure of attending the trade show with my family. Jakob and I spent all our birthday money – he got a new bridle and breast collar, as well as a sponge and a pair of sunglasses. I bought myself a pair of riding tights by Evelyn at Just for Horsin-Round. I also got a pair of ice boots for Asali. Then Jakob and I decided to head over to Sharma Lynn Gaponoff’s booth to check out her new book, Tevis: From the Back of My Horse. Sharma graciously signed a copy of her book for us.

On Saturday morning, we packed our things and checked out of the Grand Sierra, but before we left Reno, Gary and I took the boys to the famous automobile museum in town.

Well, my birthday couldn’t happen without a bang. The day before, while I was celebrating the last day of being 29 on the 29th, we had a pretty decent storm, which left enough snow on top of the barn roof to cause the panels to sag a little. In a panic, after only 3 hours of sleep, I crawled up on the roof and began shoveling snow off. My friend and contractor, Mike, joined me. Together, we shoveled snow off in the dark, while it was hailing, until I was confident both my horses and their shelter were going to withstand the weather.

On March 1st, I missed out on my annual birthday ride with my beloved Appaloosa, Forest (we share the same birthday), because of the weather. However, I did spend a nice day in Roseville with my husband and enjoyed lunch at Macaroni Grill. That evening, we had dinner at home with the boys and I received a handmade card from my youngest son, which read, “Happy Birthday, Mome.”

On Friday, the sun finally came out. It was beautiful… dry, in the 60s, with a light breeze. Jakob played hookey from school in order to join me and 7 of my best horse-crazy friends at Lake Oroville for a birthday trail ride. Before we even arrived at the trail head, though, we had a few mishaps. First, we had to get the horse trailer out of the snow (it hadn’t quite melted yet). Then Gary had to take an ax to my trailer door while I attempted to throw hot water on the latch, aiming through the trailer window. After 15 minutes, the latch finally un-froze and we were able to load the horses. I thought we were fine after that until Beauty fell in the horse trailer during the haul to Lake Oroville. She wasn’t hurt, but the entire situation scared me and I felt guilty that I hadn’t pulled over immediately when I suspected something was wrong. I think Beauty simply slipped – either from some snow that may have been packed in her hooves or from some ice that I didn’t realize was covering the trailer floor.

By 11:30 am on Friday, our group of trail riders was finally ready to hit the trail (I was not the only one who had had trouble that morning – one of my friends had to jump her truck twice and then got a flat on her horse trailer before arriving at the Saddle Dam parking lot; another friend had quite the time catching her horse from the paddock, which put her behind schedule as well). Our group ended up splitting up on the first loop – a few riders hung back to deal with equipment problems and bucking issues (no surprise, seeing as how the morning had gone for most of us already).

Linda, my endurance friend who had been my host during my Tevis Cup training last summer, took the lead, with Jakob, me, Jennifer, and Barb behind. In typical Linda fashion, we moved out on the first loop (and anyone who couldn’t keep up got left behind), slowing down only to offer the horses water. At one point, we passed the rest of our group on the trail, agreeing to meet at the horse campground for lunch. Our party of 5 continued on, taking a detour to get some photos in front of Lake Oroville. Before we returned to the trail, Jakob dared me to race him across the open space – I agreed, and so we left our other 3 group members in the dust!

At lunch, our entire group came together and the 9 of us enjoyed exchanging horse stories. I was the common thread for everyone and it was fun sharing how I knew each friend who was there. We let the horses graze on the grass for awhile – unfortunately, Asali also took this as an invitation to roll and before I could get her up, she squished my stirrup, destroying it. At that point, all I could do was laugh. I rode without stirrups back to the trailer, where I ditched my saddle for a bareback pad. Linda and Barb had taken off to explore the Visitor’s Center, but since many of my friends had to call it a day, I broke out the marble cupcakes my husband had made us the night before and we enjoyed dessert before Jakob, Jennifer, and I went out riding for another 45 minutes.

Overall, it was a great day. The friends who showed up to ride with me made me feel really special, and we all had a good laugh at the mishaps that occurred. I wasn’t one bit surprised. Afterall, last year, when I turned 29, we spent my birthday weekend snowed in, during a power outage… turning 30 was just another typical birthday.

Carol and Jo share a couple drinks at our lunch stop, toasting to my birthday.

Russ, President of the Paradise Horsemen's Association, and his wife, Stacy, let their horses graze in horse camp.

Linda, on her Tevis mare, Sequoia, showing her dimples for the camera.

Me, Jakob, and Jennifer offering our horses water at a trough we found on the trail.

Barb and Jen riding their horses across the wide open space we discovered in front of Lake Oroville. A gorgeous view and beautiful weather - a perfect day for riding!

I first heard about Point Reyes National Seashore from a girlfriend of mine and for the last three years, I have been trying to plan a trip there. Point Reyes was on my bucket list titled “Places I Want to Ride Before I Die.”

On Friday, February 17th, Jakob and I loaded Beauty and Asali in the horse trailer and headed off to the Country Inn and Stables in the small town of Point Reyes Station. The drive took us exactly 4 hours, and it was a beautiful drive – the 37 with its one lane views of the water, winding back country roads past black and white cows grazing on fresh green grass, and fog hiding the mysterious hilltops above.

When we got to the Inn, we unloaded the horses and let them graze in the paddocks. After we got settled in our own room, we hit the town. Jakob and I enjoyed lunch at The Station House, a cute, casual restaurant that boasted both organic and vegetarian items on the menu. Jakob, however, ordered a junior burger and was disappointed to see that its size was actually junior.

After lunch, Jakob and I did some damage at the local bookstore – we spent an hour in the shop, carefully choosing the books we wanted to bring home with us. Then we picked up a few souvenirs at a market, looked around a unique toy store, and finally, spent some time in a photographer’s studio where Jakob was given a copy of his favorite black and white print.

Friday evening, my brother and his girlfriend, Natalie, drove over from Petaluma to enjoy dinner with us. We purchased some fresh produce from the only grocery store in town and cooked up a stir fry in the kitchenette at the Inn. We had not originally planned on seeing Darshan and Natalie, so it was a pleasant surprise to be able to spend time with them.

On Saturday morning, our friends and endurance partners (who I met at my very first limited distance ride last year), joined us for the rest of our trip. We met Kathryn and Madison at the Bear Valley Trail Head. While I had ridden with Kathryn and Madison before (most memorably, at the Redwood 50), this was Jakob and Beauty’s first ride with them. I was so releaved when Kathryn said, “We are all on vacation, so if someone isn’t having fun, you need to speak up. This is all about us having fun, okay?”

As we got going on the trail, we figured out that it worked best for Asali and me to lead, with Jakob and Beauty behind us, and then Kathryn and ZaZa with Madison and Tai in the back. We rode 20 miles on Saturday and I was so impressed with both Jakob and Beauty and with Madison and Tai. We experienced everything from narrow, single track trails to rocky ledges to muddy uphill climbs and tricky downhill descents. We also experienced some EXTREME wind. These were not trails or conditions for your average young rider. I remember thinking, as we were riding the cliffs overlooking the Pacific, “Our kids are rockstars.” We did stop more than once to enjoy the views and although it was so windy we could barely hear each other talk, I did hear Jakob say, as he looked out over the great ocean, on top of his big horse, “I feel so small.”

Sunday’s ride turned out to be the most fun I think any of us have ever had on horseback. All the horses felt great and we trotted and cantered out most of the way. We started out of Five Brooks Trailhead and rode Stewart Trail to Greenpicker to Wildcat Beach. The weather was perfect. We jumped a lot of logs out on the trail and we spent a lot of time laughing. When we got down to the beach, Jakob walked Beauty out with so much confidence, she wasn’t even phased by the roaring surf. Beauty even felt comfortable enough to try to roll in the sand – with saddle and all. We got her up, though, before she rolled on any tack.

On Sunday night, Kathryn treated us to a wonderful dinner at a local restaurant where wood-fired pizzas were the specialty. We reminisced about our rides over the last two days and talked about the upcoming endurance ride season. We spent more time laughing and I took photos of all the food we ate, as well as a shot of the cook flipping a pizza.

On Monday morning, as Jakob and I were driving home, I couldn’t help but smile. We were both sad the trip was over (Jakob commented on how fast the weekend went by), but I felt so blessed. Just a few years ago, I was in a very different place in my life. It was a rough road and a lot of hard work to get our family to where we are now, but that makes me appreciate everything we have even more. As Jake and I were saying good-bye to Kathryn and Madison, I looked at Kathyrn and said, “We have a good life.” She smiled in agreement.

For the last several years, my life has been a whirlwind of school, kids, and managing a home with my husband, not to mention running my own non-profit in between and working part-time. Since my graduation from Chico State University on December 16th and getting through the holidays with limited chaos, I have had the opportunity to discover what it is like to have an (almost entirely) unrestricted schedule. Gary and I are re-discovering our marriage, which had its challenges in the beginning. I am re-defining my role as a wife and mother and I am appreciating that I have more time to spend with my children. Jakob, Declan, and I have been going hiking and spending lots of time in the kitchen, making everything from homemade soup to Indian food and blending smoothies and baking. Jakob and I have been riding more and Jakob has taken up bareback riding, a new challenge for him.

As I am sitting here writing my first blog of the new year, I am thankful for everything I have. It has been a long road to get to where I am today. I have learned, in the meantime, that most things are not given. Nothing is free. Everything comes with a price, and what is most valuable, is earned.

I was rejected from nursing school three times. I saved all those rejection letters. I was finally offered a spot in the program (a few weeks after receiving my third rejection letter) when someone dropped out of the program. Once in nursing school, I spent more than one early morning complaining about having to get up for hospital clinical. Half-way through the program, I wondered if I should have gone to veterinary school instead (until I realized how many credits short I was of qualifying as a candidate for vet school). I considered returning to my previous theatre arts major, or just dropping out altogether and turning my current job into my career. But when I was reminded of how much hard work went into getting accepted to nursing school, I couldn’t let it go. So I stopped looking for alternatives.

Now that I have graduated and I’ve been working as a Registered Nurse for several months, I am seeing how many doors have opened up and how many more opportunities I have. I also see how much more I have to learn.

This is it. The first day after graduation I woke up and realized, “This is the first day of the rest of my life.” And this year is it – the year before the Tevis Cup. When I think of everything Asali and I still have yet to figure out – saddle fit, hoof boot issues, feeding and training schedules – I become overwhelmed, but I am determined to figure it out, for I have discovered what rewards come when you refuse to give up, even when all you want to do is that.

I was driving home today, listening to country music (yes, I admit I had Garth Brooks on), when I felt this overwhelming sense of defeat. I can’t tell you exactly where it came from or why I would even feel that way, but I had all these thoughts racing through my mind. I started beating myself up about less than average grades I had received in nursing school. I felt regret for moments I had missed out on with my children because I was “too busy.” I thought about times I had let friends down, and times when I had rushed out the door without saying good-bye to my husband. And then I began thinking about a patient I had lost at work several days ago.

While I have seen many people die throughout the 6 years I have been working in health care, this was the first time I had been the bedside nurse when a patient died. My patient had been stable all morning. In the afternoon, she suddenly crashed. For three hours I was in the twilight zone, working hard to save her, with a team of experienced nurses and two doctors. I knew very little about her – just that she had been a pleasant, easy patient to care for. When I could no longer feel a pulse and the doctor left the room, I could not hold back the tears. Three long-time nurses, two I had never met before, were with me and I was so embarrassed to be crying, but I couldn’t stop. I was consumed by this overwhelming helplessness. I knew there was nothing else we could have done and I also knew that her illness had been caused in part by personal lifestyle choices she had made. Still, to me, she was a human being. Another life who, for a moment, had shared my world. I thought about the mistakes I had made and thought I was just lucky to be alive because I, too, could have been gone as a result of more than one choice I have made.

The day after my patient’s passing, I was behind the wheel with my family in the car, on our way to the grocery store to buy Thanksgiving dinner. I rear-ended a car in front of me. While there were no injuries or damage caused, the driver I had hit was not happy. Inside, I was furious, wondering how he could make a big deal out of nothing when I had just held the hand of a woman while she had died the day before. My husband looked at me, knowing something was wrong. He knew the accident had happened because I had been off somewhere else. He rubbed my shoulder, smiled, and reminded me, “Be present.”

A couple days ago, I took my boys horseback riding into the canyon. The boys had never been riding in the canyon before and while I was ponying Declan, Jakob was on his own with Beauty. I looked at Jakob, who tends to be a day-dreamer just like me, and said, “Jakob, you need to pay attention today.” I told him there were a couple spots on the trail where there were sheer drop-offs. I told him we might run into some dirt bikes or ATVs, which could spook the horses. I told him he needed to be on alert and be attentive to his horse. I told him, “Be present.”

I have a tendency to fill my life up with so many activities it would cause the average person to go dizzy. I often feel I am good at a lot of things, but I am not great at anything. When I do succeed, however, it is when I am fully in the moment. The only thing that stands in my way is me. I am someone who needs to learn to listen more – and not just to my friends, my husband, my children – but to my horse, who often has more honesty than the human.

Two years ago, my mom adopted Donovan, a Tennessee Walker who had belonged to my girlfriend’s mother. I had promised Randi, moments before her death, that I would take care of her treasured horses, Donovan and Forest. While my mother had provided a wonderful home for Donovan over the last two years, she was no longer able to care for him. I had hoped that when the time came for my mom to re-home Donovan, I would be in a position to adopt Donny. However, after a long discussion with my husband, we decided we would not be able to provide the best home for Donovan. We were afraid of taking on the expenses of another horse after just buying a house. I was also worried about the extensive hoof care Donovan needs, as he has some issues with one hind foot. Being an endurance rider as well, I knew Donovan was not a horse fit for endurance, although he is a pleasure to ride.

Donovan has a quiet mind, a kind soul, and gentle gaits. He was the horse who taught Jakob to ride. He was also the horse who taught Jakob to fall, and then to get back on and ride. My mom enjoyed Donovan and it was difficult for her to give him up, but she knew it was in his best interest. She found a great home for him in Oroville, with two women, Susan and Margie. He has 10 acres of pasture, 3 new gelding friends, and 2 llamas to get to know.

On Sunday, we visited Donovan and said good-bye to our precious friend. Before we left, Jakob had a moment alone with Donny. As he put his hand through the gate and touched Donovan on the nose, he began to cry. Donovan, with his big muzzle, nudged Jakob’s cheek, wiping away his tears as if to say, “It’s okay. I like it here. I am going to be fine.” As I witnessed this most pure conversation between two animals, speaking to each other not in words but in feelings, I began to cry. And I was, once again, thankful for the horses I have known and the things they have taught me.

The family showing Donovan some love.

My mom and her husband, "Mr. Albino," enjoying time with Donovan.

Jakob and Donovan, in a quiet moment together.

Mr. Albino, kissing Donovan good-bye.

I had a difficult time saying good-bye to Donovan. I was attached to the fact that Donovan was a part of Randi. Below is Randi’s story, a short memoir I wrote after her passing in 2009. As I think of Randi now, I think of the love she had for her horses and I am glad Donovan has found a forever home where he will be loved…

I was sitting in front of the computer at work, inputting my patients’ vital signs, when I got the call. Randi, my friend’s mother, was taking her last breaths. I went into the break room to return Melissa’s message, sure that Randi must have already passed. When Melissa answered the phone, it was obvious that she had been crying, but surprisingly, her mother was still breathing.

It is supposed to be any time now, Melissa told me. Any time now. Melissa put the phone up to her mother’s ear so that I could say good-bye. I asked Melissa if she wanted me to drive out to the hospital, but she said no. It was a five hour drive and Melissa knew her mother would be gone before I made it there.

I had last seen Randi just a couple months earlier, the day before Mother’s Day. While I feared she would eventually succumb to her cancer, I didn’t think it would be soon. She was bright and lively and full of hope when I saw her. She was not a hospice patient. She was actively fighting her disease, and putting up a pretty big battle against it.

That evening, when I got home from work, I called Melissa to see how she was doing. She was still beside her mother, watching her breathe her shallow breaths. I asked her again if she wanted me to come to the hospital. But the doctor had just been in and said it again – any time now. I told Melissa that I would call her first thing in the morning. If Randi was still alive then, I’d make the drive to the hospital.

At 6 am, Randi was still hanging in there, although her breaths were fewer and farther between. She hadn’t had any urine output for over 24 hours and she was unconscious, as she had been for more than two days. My husband and I dropped off our children with some friends and started driving towards the hospital. We kept the cell phone near us, expecting to get the call that Randi had died on our way to see her. We were ready to re-route our trip to Randi’s home at any moment.

Five hours later, Gary and I made it to the hospital. We walked up to the oncology unit and when we entered Randi’s room, she was surrounded by family. Alicia, a close friend of Melissa and I, was also there. Melissa was next to her mother on the hospital bed. She hadn’t left her mother’s side since Randi was admitted several days earlier. I approached Randi and Melissa, leaning down to kiss Randi’s soft, bald head. And while I was struck by how thin and pale Randi was, I remember thinking she looked peaceful.

I decided to take a spot against the wall in the room, next to Alicia, to allow the family to gather around Randi. Music was playing, prayers were being said, and a photo slide show of Randi and highlights of her life flashed on the laptop in the room. After a photo of Randi walking out to see her horses for the last time popped up on the screen, Alicia turned to me and asked how the move was going. Gary and I were moving our family to a new home, complete with a three stall horse barn on the property. Melissa over heard this conversation and said, “You’re moving to horse property?!? Could you take Donovan and Forest?” Donovan and Forest were Randi’s beloved horses, and Melissa did not know where they were going to go after her mom left this world.

I went up to Melissa, taking Randi’s hand in mine, and said, “Well, I only have one horse and a three stall barn, so there is room for Donovan and Forest.” Melissa and I were still talking horses a few minutes later when I noticed Randi’s breaths were really slowing down. Suddenly, the color in her face left, and I knew Randi was dying. I was still holding her hand when she took her last breath.

Before we left the hospital that afternoon, Lynn, Randi’s sister, looked at me and said, “She was waiting. Randi loved those horses and she wanted to know what was going to happen to them before she left.”

It was only a few weeks ago that I first learned about Paddock Paradise. Jaime Jackson’s Paddock Paradise was inspired by wild horses and the way they live freely in a natural environment. “The premise of Paddock Paradise is to stimulate horses to behave and move naturally according to their instincts.” A Paddock Paradise encourages constant movement, which provides for better hoof health, minimizes the need for pre-ride warm-ups, promotes digestive and respiratory health, and helps address neurotic behavior.

About My Paddock Paradise:

I only had about an acre to work with, but I discovered my acre gave me just enough room to create a descent Paddock Paradise. I used many trees to mount hot wire on to, thus creating the track that is essential for any Paddock Paradise. The track is what keeps the horses moving, and I made mine vary between 10 and 15 feet in width around the perimeter of my acre.

Next, I chose my 6 feeding stations. I used hay nets (mounted on trees) rather than hay bags in order to slow the horses feeding down, since I have decided to allow free choice hay (rather than feeding 2-3 times a day, like you see in a typical, modern barn, my horses now have access to hay 24 hours a day). I also decided to invest in The Natural Feeder, an equine foraging system that allows horses to feed continuous, yet restricted amounts of hay. The Natural Feeder is designed so horses can eat with their heads down, which is how they naturally eat.

I chose two watering stations, one at either end of my Paddock Paradise, so the horses would be forced to travel in order to drink (just as in the wild). I also put up a 4-stall mare motel in the center of my paddock, so the horses would have some shelter from inclement weather. Lastly, I created a round-pen like area – the track opens up in a wide circle where the horses can roll and play.

My plans for the future of my Paddock Paradise include varying the terrain to keep the horses interested and also to promote healthy hooves. I have already put down a short wooden bridge that the horses cross on one spot of the track, but I would also like to place some pea gravel along another side of track. In addition, I am considering putting ground poles for the horses to step over somewhere along another side of track. Any more ideas for my Paddock Paradise????